With the macabre resolution, “Resolved: The Vampire, and not the Zombie, is the more useful member of the Undead Republic,” the Philodemic held a rip-roarin’ Dean Gordon Debate. On the Affirmation, keynote speaker Mr. Nicholas Myers used allegory, adroitness and alliteration to paint vampires as guardians of the virtues of the republic. Keynoting alongside him, Miss Anne-Carolina Hüser made her induction, arguing that the vampiric social programs of “the Piece Corpse,” “Cash for Corpses” and “No Zombie Left Behind” are the hallmarks of vampires’ republican utility. On the Negation, Keynoter Mr. Michael Desnick painted the zombie as a noble symbol of the common man. Joining him, Mr. Michael Manchester made his induction, articulating a belief that zombies live among us: Amy Winehouse, Robert Byrd and Bob Barker. Floor speeches were hell-raising. Mr. Cantirino characterized Citigroup as zombies and Goldman Sachs as vampires, while Mr. Hale portrayed the humble zombie as the embodiment of the American spirit. Mr. Biesiada, on the other hand, found zombies to be merely the “bro” of the underworld, while Mr. Olmsted sagely reminded the Philodemic that the vampire is the ultimate hero of Tolstoy’s “War and Peace.”
In a nail-biting conclusion, the Philodemic negated the resolution with 19 votes to 18 affirming. Mr. Gutiérrez was awarded the Dean Gordon Cup.
Please join us this Saturday, April 22 for the annual Richard T. Merrick Debate. This year’s resolution is, “Resolved: Humanity demonstrates greater nobility in war than in peace.” First, please come to Riggs Library for light refreshments at 9:30 am. The debate will begin promptly at 10:30 am. The morning’s events are free of charge, but a ticket will be required for the evening’s splendid soirée at the Georgetown Club on Wisconsin Avenue, to begin at 6 pm. Tickets are $30 for members and $35 for members, and can be purchased from Treasurer Emma Green. See the Philodemic Society group on Facebook for more information.